It's all coming back
by NocturnalQuill
Summary: A songfic about Remus and Tonks...Tonks' POV. Based sometime between Order of the Phoenix and Deathly Hallows...But can't be too precise because it's mainly flashbacks. Rated to be safe. Please read and review...and let me know if the rating should change


**Hi guys. This is a first in many ways...my first songfic, my first Remus Tonks fic, my first Harry Potter fic in fact. So please be kind!**  
**The song I've used is "It's all coming back to me now" written by Jim Steinman and performed by Celine Dion. I just love this song so much! Just as much as I love Lupin...oops...did I say that part out loud! My bad sheepish grin. Please review and let me know whether it's good enough to be posted...although I've posted it already :|...so let me know whether it's good enough to remain here! Do I HAVE to put up a disclaimer? Everyone any way knows that Lupin and Tonks actually are JK Rowling's creations. Fantastic imagination she has, don't you think so...no copyright infringement/plagerism inteded.**

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Nymphadora Tonks sat on her bed, gazing a plethora of pictures. She suddenly stopped at one, tears forming in her eyes. It was a picture of her and Remus. She remembered that day so very well. It was 10th March, Remus' 36th birthday and Tonks had decided to throw a surprise birthday party for him with the help of Molly Weasly. She remembered it so vividly. Remus had looked at her before blowing out the 36 candles she had arranged on his cake. She was standing with Charlie Weasly, laughing, holding a glass of butterbeer. Remus had nodded his head ever so slightly towards the candles…a gesture reserved only for her…just to remind her of the 13 year age difference between them. Tonks had just smiled encouragingly and he proceeded to cut the cake. He beckoned to her and she walked over to stand next to him. He had fed her a slice of cake and she returned the favour. Charlie had, at that precise moment, clicked a picture of the happy couple.

_There were nights when the wind was so cold  
That my body froze in bed  
If I just listened to it  
Right outside the window  
There were days when the sun was so cruel  
That all the tears turned to dust  
And I just knew my eyes  
Were drying up forever_

Tonks was an auror - the capturer of dark, evil witches and wizards. But that did not mean that she wasn't scared. She was petrified of her crazed aunt Bellatrix Lestrange. Every now and then Tonks would dream of her aunt attacking her, or her loved ones with her wand, illuminating the entire setting in green. More so after the death of Sirius. Tonks woke up, sweating. She wandered her hands on the bed, searching for Remus. Remus invariably comforted her at these times. But her palms didn't find him. It struck her quite abruptly that Remus was gone. He had left her…distanced himself from every one, after the death of his best friend, and her uncle, Sirius Black. She wanted to, but she didn't cry. She was strong and she had wasted enough tears for him and she doubted her eyes were capable of watering anymore.

_I finished crying in the instant that you left  
And I can't remember where or when or how  
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made  
But when you touch me like this  
And you hold me like that  
I just have to admit  
It's all coming back to me  
When I touch you like this  
And I hold you like that  
It's so hard to believe but  
It's all coming back to me now_

Tonks tried her best to maintain her composure in the subsequent order meetings. The fact that her Metamorphing skills had disappeared didn't help too much. Her hair was perpetually a shade of mousy brown. She had tried to be cheerful, but failed miserably. She was just thankful she hadn't turned into a crying jag every time she saw Remus at the Order meetings. However, she did, time and again reflect on the little time they had spent together. He would sit on the window seat of his apartment with her in front of him. He would hold her close to him, keeping a strong, yet gentle hold on her waist, ensuring she didn't fall. They would talk about so many different things. She couldn't help but almost forget that they were no longer together. But his departure would come rushing back and be just as painful as before.

_There were moments of gold  
And there were flashes of light  
There were things I'd never do again  
But then they'd always seemed right  
There were nights of endless pleasure  
It was more that any laws allow_

Spending time with Remus was always so wonderful. He was wonderfully intelligent and yet very Marauder-like. She loved that wicked glint in his eye when he made a bitingly sarcastic comment, with a completely sincere look on his face. Then again, he was wonderful in bed. It was intense. She remembered how he would pin her down on the bed and kiss her neck. Her hands would cling to his hair, loving the feel of the smooth texture. She had never been so satisfied with any of her other past boyfriends before. Remus completed her in more ways than one.

_If I kiss you like this  
And you whisper like that  
It was lost long ago  
But it's all coming back to me  
If you want me like this  
And you need me like that  
It was dead long ago  
But it's all coming back to me  
I can barely recall  
But it's all coming back to me now._

She remembered the first time he said I love you. They were in a muggle park and she was in a very care free and mischievous mood. She had single handed-ly caught a death eater. A low level one, but a death eater nonetheless. He was currently being interrogated in Azkaban. She was telling Remus an exaggerated recount of the chase and the capture. He congratulated her like the impeccable gentleman that he was. She kissed his nose lightly and ran in the opposite direction. But he managed to catch her and restrained her with both his arms on her waist. He picked her up and whispered into her ear the three words she was dying to hear. They had gone to a muggle restaurant afterwards to celebrate her success over the death eater. He couldn't seem to stop ravishing her. Every now and again he would let his foot slide over her bear leg under the table. They wrestled with their legs under the table while maintaining a perfectly calm look on their faces.

_There were those empty threats and hollow lies  
And whenever you tried to hurt me  
I just hurt you even worse  
And so much deeper.  
There were hours that just went on for days  
When alone at last we'd count up the chances  
That were lost to us forever.  
But you were history with the slamming of the door  
And I made myself so strong again somehow  
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then._

She remembered that fateful fight that made him leave. It was right after Sirius's death. He had taken that old stance of his. He claimed to be too old, too poor and too dangerous for her. She had gone on to say…well…scream that he was a werewolf and he was behaving like one – inhuman. He flinched at that and picked up his bag and stormed out of the door.

_But if I touch you like this  
And you kiss me like that  
It was so long ago  
But it's all coming back to me.  
If you touch me like this  
And I kiss you like that  
It was gone with the wind  
But it's all coming back to me._

She missed him…a lot. She missed how he would sit on the couch by the fireplace and she would lie down with her head on his lap. He would wrap an arm around her and read to her. She loved it when he read to her. She would hold his hand throughout this and it felt so totally right that she didn't want to do anything else.

_There were moments of gold  
And there were flashes of light  
There were things we'd never do again  
But they'd always seemed right.  
There were nights of endless pleasures  
It was more than all your laws allow._

Then came the fateful night that one of their own turned traitor. Snape, who Dumbledore trusted with his life, murdered the greatest wizard of all time. Tonks could not bear the depression that surrounded her. One of her closest friend was attacked by a werewolf. His fiancé was still adamant about being with him. She had tried to convince Remus giving him the example of Bill and Fleur. Remus had tried to disagree, saying that it was different. One by one everyone had taken her side. Remus had walked out of the room after that and Tonks didn't want to humiliate herself anymore by chasing him. But…

_When you touch me like this  
And when you hold me like that  
It was gone with the wind  
But it's all coming back to me.  
When you see me like this  
And when I see you like that  
We see what we want to see  
All coming back to me.  
The flesh and the fantasies  
All coming back to me  
I can barely recall  
But it's all coming back to me now._

She remembered the first time that she had seen him. It was at her first Order meeting. She had entered that musty old house along with Charlie. She was talking animatedly to Charlie when she tripped upon that disgusting umbrella stand which had an uncanny resemblance to a troll leg. Charlie had managed to catch hold of her arm, preventing her from injuring her nose. She looked up to see this brown haired mad leaning against the stairs, his arms folded against his chest, smiling. She grinned back unabashedly and proceeded to the kitchen.

_If you forgive me all this  
And I forgive you all that  
We forgive and forget  
And it's all coming back to me  
When you see me like this  
And when I see you like that  
We see just what we want to see  
All coming back to me  
The flesh and the fantasies  
All coming back to me  
I can barely recall but it's all  
Coming back to me now._

She would have given anything to speak to him just one more time. To tell him that she loved him, and she didn't mean to say all that she did. She couldn't handle anger well and would blabber stuff without thinking when she was angry. She put the photograph down and heard a faint pop. She whirled around only to see Remus lounging against her wall. She smiled but there were tears in her eyes. He walked towards her and sat down facing her.

_(It's all coming back to me now)  
When you kiss me like this  
(It's all coming back to me now)  
And when I touch you like that  
(it's all coming back to me now)  
And if you do it like this  
(it's all coming back to me now)_

He took her hand and kissed her palm. She twisted her hand free and shifted her palm up to his hair. His hair always made her happy. He covered her eyes with his palm and she heard a ruffle of his cloak. He uncovered her eyes and she found herself staring at a tiny jewellery box with a gold ring with a little diamond sitting on it. Her eyes widened and she started crying softly.

__

_And if we…_

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**So what do you think? When I picturised it in my head, it looked awesome...but now, I don't know whether it's good enough...please review and let me know...**


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